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Ding Dang Dong

from Domestic by Fred Smith

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lyrics

Ding, dang, dong, here’s a song, bear with me it comes for free and doesn’t go too long
It’s just some words I wrote on a boat I’m singing them to you because it wouldn’t do to leave them in my throat

Dong dang ding, damn phone rings, the man here wants to know if I would like to hear him sing
He’s says he’ll even pay, to hear him play, I said “ok Buck but if it sucks I’m calling in the NRA”,
And so he sang his song, ding dang dong, a song so sad I felt so bad I wanted to say so long
But he said “hang on man, understand, one of these you gonna find yourself with the begging bowl in your hand”

Ding dong dang, great big bang, for better or worse the universe began to do its thang
And all the moons and stars, Earth and Mars, out they rolled and we evolved to learn to drink in bars
Though we began as fish, with a wish, not to die and end up fried and served upon a dish
And so we left the sea, now follow me, I know a joint in Milsons Point but we can get sushi, oh yeah
Ding dang dong what went wrong? Half my brain’s in Deloraine the rest is in Hong Kong
There eating Chinese food, in the nude nothing kinky I don’t think he ain’t that kind of dude
Just likes his chow chow mein, it ain’t no sin, makes a mess so he gets undressed to keep his T-shirts clean
And that is quite unique, he’s a freak - his chopstick chops make lots of slops the dude has no technique!
And we have had this talk, I said “use a fork”, is what I said but he said “Fred, I’d rather eat my pork
The way the Chinese do, in the nude, you know the poem when in Rome don’t mention you’re a Jew
Cause they got Catholics, armed with sticks, and they’ll tell the Pope, so don’t pick up the soap, and watch out for falling bricks
And now they’re in a mess, sin and stress, who the hell would Cardinal Pell go to to confess
And get stuff off his chest and be blessed, well they got a little booth where you can tell the truth and still avoid arrest
The whole things sad I guess”, but I’ve digressed, we had a laugh but my other half still eats Chinese undressed
That’s where things get complex, food and sex, can mix well in some hotels but generally it’s vexed
The whole thing strains my brain, I like food plain, I’m a simple joe and that’s why am going back to Deloraine.

credits

from Domestic, released January 12, 2020

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Fred Smith Canberra, Australia

“Fred Smith is simply the best folk/country musician working in this country in 2020. Beyond writing some of the finest songs about Australians at war, he has created a repertoire that is wry, literate, witty, powerfully emotional and insightful.”(Bruce Elder, Sydney Morning Herald). ... more

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